Thrive Through Self-Doubt

Self-doubt has a sneaky way of creeping in—right when we're on the edge of growth or stepping into something new. In this episode, we’re getting real about what self-doubt actually is, why it shows up, and how to stop letting it call the shots. From unpacking the voice of your inner critic to practical tools for building confidence from within, this one’s all about learning to thrive—even when your self-belief feels shaky. Let’s turn that doubt into fuel. 

Transcript

 Hello and welcome to Thrive Through Adversity, the podcast where we work to thrive and not just survive through life. I'm your host, Ariel Gilmore, and this is our very first full episode. Today we're diving into a topic that nearly kept this podcast from happening, which is, and say it with me now.

Self-doubt. This episode is so deeply personal because the very existence of this podcast was delayed by my own struggles with self-doubt, which often showed up as perfectionism, fear of judgment, and internalized criticism. So if you ever second guessed your worth or questioned your ability to take up space in the world, I think this one might be for you.

I would like to kick off my podcast debut with a quote of the episode Susie case once said. Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will. And I need to hold my own hand when I say this quote hurts my very soul, which with how much it is representative of the strife I've experienced at the hands of self-doubt, and in the words of Michael Scott.

Who's a personal favorite of mine, who was then quoting Wayne Gretzky. You miss 100% of the shots you do not take. So what is self-doubt? Self-doubt is often defined as a lack of confidence in one's self and one's ability. But on a deeper level, it can mean questioning whether what you're doing even matters or worse, whether you matter.

It can stem from a combination of things such as childhood experiences, attachment styles, anxiety, and perfectionism. For me personally, it's STEM from an avoidant attachment style, a hypercritical upbringing, and mild experiences of bullying. This trifecta made me emotionally guarded and hesitant to share vulnerable parts of myself like this podcast.

So you may be wondering, how did I get to this Very? Point. Well, baby, let me tell you, the journey to creating this podcast was not a straight line. It started with an ideal when I was 25 or 26, called Wrong side of 25, which was gonna be a podcast about navigating adulthood in your late twenties. Um, just because it's a little like a second awakening in my opinion.

But I also had other iterations. Two, before I landed on Thrive through adversity, like a concept I was workshopping was called the Symptomatic Podcast, where I would discuss emotional symptoms we all experience and how to overcome them or more accurately during that space in my life, how to survive through them.

But every time Self-Doubt held me back and I just thought it was like going to be something that if I said it, I would be able to do it. But then when I would say it. I would then kind of let it go. And I think looking back, that was a large part of the issue as well. 'cause I was exp expect expecting external validation.

But that external validation that I was getting as it related to these concepts, my thoughts, my feelings didn't necessarily help me overcome the hurdle. And I would often find myself saying, I just put it, just put it out there, Ariel put it out there. But then I found myself getting paralyzed outta fear of if I put myself out there and it's something that I'm doing and it's not received how I want it to be received, then my world is going to be over.

And I know it wouldn't have actually been over, but y'all, I'm kind of dramatic. And that's just how I felt. And just a little bit more of a backstory. I grew up in a household where emotional support wasn't always emphasized and perfection was often expected. Um, and there was plenty of structure and provision, but emotions were either dismissed or redirected.

So I internalized this dynamic and learned to question the validity of my own feelings and ideals. And even as I pursued academic excellence and professional growth, there were still times I found myself second guessing my worth. Not because I wasn't capable, but because I wasn't nurtured to believe I recognition without.

Perfection. So I stopped myself from moving forward with a task based on the narrative that I created in my own head. And I was like, I'm not going to do it. It's whatever. I'm still successful in other areas. And even though I really wanted to do this, I didn't because self-doubt prevented me from doing so.

And then some years went by and I was like, oh, you know what? I think I wanna do my podcast again. And so here we are, because eventually I realized that I had to choose. Between putting up or shutting up and baby, let me tell you, I like to talk. So here I am talking to you all about how I was able to not just survive self-doubt, but thrive through self-doubt.

And here are five little tidbits that I think have helped me, which might also help you move through self-doubt. The first one that we're going to talk about is the concept of name it to Tame It, which is essentially acknowledging when self-doubt is creeping in and getting curious about it. So now when I'm experiencing self-doubt.

Instead of getting paralyzed by it and stopping myself from doing the task at hand, I now am more curious about it. And what I mean by that is asking myself questions or analyzing and assessing where the self-doubt is coming from. So I might ask myself some questions such as, what triggered this feeling?

Has this feeling occurred in other situations before? Is this even a feeling based on fact? Or is it just an assumption? And what do these feelings reveal about my needs or fears? And kind of working through that and assessing it lets me know whether or not I'm in my own head and I just need to do it.

Or if it is something that's a little bit deeper, being able to even analyze that, but not allowing it to stop me from being able to pursue or do the task at hand. And so name entertainment. Is one of my favorite things to do, and it's one of the things that even when I'm talking to a friend who might be experiencing something, I'm like, Hmm, where is this coming from?

From you? And so it's just something that I think has helped me a lot. It might be helpful for you when you're able to kind of acknowledge and explore the self-doubt rather than criticizing yourself for experiencing the feeling of self-doubt. This concept ties nicely into the next concept that I would like to discuss, which is challenging the inner critic we all have.

Or may have had experiences with this voice in our head that constantly criticizes, belittles and judges us, which is often tied to our inner child, our inner hardships. We have not worked through our process, and once people start noticing how loud and frequent their inner critic really is, it's common for them to get frustrated or even angry at it.

But here's the catch. When we respond to that negative inner voice with more negativity, it only feeds the cycle. That frustration turns into inner conflict, and ironically, it gives the inner critic even more power. It becomes a loop. Your mood dips with triggers more self-criticism, and that criticism seeks your sinks, your mood even lower.

It's a vicious cycle that can be hard to break if we're not aware of it. And when it comes to challenging the inner critic, I think the following steps have helped me shift how I respond and react to that inner monologue. Firstly, I recognize the dipping emotions can be avoided by welcoming the inner critic.

I also listen to the inner critic rather than fight it, and by recognizing that the inner critic wants what is best for self. And is there to protect the self, which I know sounds crazy. You can create a more collaborative relationship with your inner critic rather than a state of internal conflict. So sometimes I'm just like.

Thank you for being there for me, but I got this one because oddly enough, our inner critic comes from a place of anxiety and is trying to save us, even though there might not be a real danger there. And we create that kind of, again, we create that narrative in our head and we might avoid the task at hand.

So I can say thank you to my inner critic, but I got this one. Because I can recognize that that anxiety might not be real. And finally, replacing the inner critic with a more friendly voice can help motivate the self more constructively. So the next time your inner critic calls for your attention, try befriending it rather than ignoring or fighting it.

And sometimes you have to go beyond just a question and go into action, which is where we are going to get in to with the next tidbit, which is to reframe the narrative. Because we are not our thoughts and you're not your childhood messages. So in the aspect of being able to explore and acknowledge the self-doubt, we also have to challenge that inner critic that we have within ourselves and then work towards reframing the narrative because we are not our thoughts, and because we are not our childhood messages, we do not have to be beholden to them.

We are individuals who are going through this world trying to navigate experience and work towards thriving in a society that sometimes is a lot more critical than it is helpful towards these things. And that's where I'm like, we had to let go of perfection. Something that held me back and Sarah, several areas of my life has been this need.

To be perfect and if I don't record the perfect episode, if I don't create the perfect video to post, if I don't create the perfect IG post, what is the point of putting it out there? Right? However I learn, however I have learned that done is better than perfect, and I think this podcast is living proof of that.

Challenge those negative thoughts. Embrace imper perfection. Focusing on progress and practicing self-compassion are keys to being able to let go of this concept of perfectionism because no one is perfect and perfect does not exist. Which is where surrounding yourself with support are. Fifth and final helpful tidbit comes into play, whether it's therapy friends or journaling building and having a system that uplifts you can have such a significant and positive impact on yourself and your livelihood.

Just think about it like this. You're attempting to thrive in an environment that is not conducive or supportive to your desires. You eventually take on that mindset and get caught in that negative feedback loop. Conversely, if you're surrounding yourself with support that is conducive with your desires and needs, then you can potentially interrupt that cycle, get out of that comfort zone and reach new heights.

And just know self-doubt might always whisper, but it doesn't have to roar. You deserve to take up space in this messy, yet beautiful world. By acknowledging, naming, and investigating your self-doubt, you can transform your relationship with this challenging emotion and cultivate a greater sense of self-acceptance and inner strength.

So this week I challenge you to do the thing, the thing you've been sitting on, the ideal you've been too afraid to try. Don't wait for perfection. Show up anyway. And if this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who needs it. Leave a review. And remember, we are all just trying to thrive through adversity.

And until next time, I'm Ariel and I'll see you on the other side of self-doubt.